Depression
by Phoenix Rising
Summary: Oh.... yeah, this is depressing. Guess what charachter it'll be!


Depression  
  
You can't possibly sympathize with me. I know what it feels like to be on the brink of suicide, I have tried it. You can't emulate the feelings of worthlessness that you get every time you fail. Have you ever felt so useless you can feel the agony and despair eating away at your soul, on the inside, until you reach a point where you feel so hopeless you could die? I thought not.   
So this is my plea to the world. Not to understand, not to empathize and definitely not to pity me.   
As I sit here, in front of my much-loved computer, the only creative outlet for my soul, I realize that no one wants me around. The golden sun shimmers onto my pale skin, lighting my hair. Maybe I should get out more, maybe work up a tan. But I'll never get the chance to do that. There'll always be something for me to do. There'll always be someone I can help.   
Why can't someone help me?  
I helped save the world. No one remembers me. So maybe I wasn't at that crucial final battle with the others. I'd like to think of them as my friends. The truth is, they are just my school colleagues.  
Squall Leonhart; the Silent Warrior. We all knew his potential, he never failed anyone. Except when Quistis wanted him to reciprocate her love. He thought he couldn't, wouldn't love, but he didn't know why. He can love; Rinoa proved that. I can't seem to love. Maybe someday, someone else will feel that way too.  
Zell Dincht; the Soldier Soul. He was always on his toes. He was always training, buzzing around Garden, and emulating his grandfather. He was scared of letting his family down; he did the complete opposite. Anyone could see the pride in his mothers' eyes. He was her hero, the Galbadian occupation proved that to her.   
Selphie Tilmitt; Messenger Girl. She'll always be haunted by that title. I didn't have as much time to get to know 'Seffie' but I know she is one of the most capable nunchuku wielders I have ever chanced to meet.  
Quistis Trepe; Instructor. My closest friend, whom I feel I still don't know. And I never will. She's so beautiful, yet she has terrible luck with men. Squall broke her heart, he was like a lethal drug that Quistis couldn't put down; couldn't get enough of.  
Seifer Almasy, Fujin and Raijin; the D.C. Seifer always did have an authority problem, but that made him all the more desirable. I never wanted to have him as an enemy; we all wanted him back home, back to his jerky, idiotic self. Maybe being a Sorceress' Knight fulfilled his romantic dream, but he'll always be mine. He'll never be back to Garden; I may never even see him again. It's painful, yet I'm used to pain. I never even got to say goodbye before that Dollet mission; never got to tell him how I felt. I feel; I still feel for him so strongly. More than ever.   
Fujin and Raijin; the Spirits. Seifer's faithful 'posse' who never let their leader down. I hope Seifer knows how lucky he is to have such devoted friends. Sure as hell I'd like some.   
Irvine Kinneas; Brazen Cowboy. I never got to know him as well as I'd like. All I know is he's a Galbadian sniper. I'm sure he knows even less about me. I doubt he even knows my name. Some people have endeavoured to keep it that way.   
Rinoa Heartilly; Wing Heart. The Sorceress, who stole Squall's heart, broke Seifer's heart and tore Quistis' heart out while it was still beating. Overall, I'd hoped she'd go back to Timber, leave Squall alone. Let Quistis have the person she most wanted, needed, desired and deserved.  
Good luck everybody.  
Don't cry for me; I was already dead.   
  
Xu threw down her pen, leaving an inkblot on the top of the page. Her computer was off, and was destined to stay that way. "This is it", she said out loud. She pushed her chair out, getting slowly to her feet. She placed her note on her neatly made bed. Her curling script looped across the page torn from her notebook. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard as she stood in front of her mirror. She had put some makeup on, a very rare occurrence, and was wearing the pale lilac gown she'd bought for the SeeD ball but never had a chance to wear. A small pearly tear dripped down her face and she rubbed it away angrily. She picked up her pen and sat down on her bed to add a single sentence to the end of her letter. She crossed her neat dorm room to a cupboard and picked up a shining walnut case. She clicked open the latch and retrieved a gleaming knife from inside. It was pale steely grey/blue and curved at the end. Xu sat down on her bed and put the knife blade to her left wrist. She took her last, deep breath as she sliced into her pale flesh. As the crimson ichor began to flow out of the incision, she took the blade to her right wrist and scored the same mark there. It began to steadily darken as Xu's life ebbed away from her.   
  
May I find friends in the hereafter, and may I be found beautiful in death.   
  



End file.
